Stretching Your Comfort Zone

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow: The Psychology Of Optimal Experience, tells us that individuals who push themselves out of their comfort zones, often report greater fulfillment and success in life. Instead of withdrawing to the safety of what is familiar when they don't get immediate results, they force themselves to move forward, through awkwardness, discomfort and anxiety until such feelings subside. And when that happens, a new experience is achieved.

Joe Gilliam, a professional motivator and writer of the audiobook The Winner In You, agrees and explains that there are barriers that keep us from making important life changes that could lead us to success. Here are his six:


BARRIER 1: The best I could do.
EXAMPLE: You tell yourself, "I never wanted to be in sales. I wanted to be a pilot, but this was the best I could do".

SOLUTION: Just because that was the best you could do at that given point in your life doesn't mean that's where you have to stay now. "You have the power to make changes that can alter your future," Gilliam notes. "Start making lists of things you want to do and be in your future - and dream big!"


BARRIER 2: The "talks a lot" barrier.
EXAMPLE: Millions of wannabe writers talk endlessly about the great book they're going to write. The problem is they do more talking than writing! Soon they've talked their book away and no longer have the desire to put it on paper.

SOLUTION: Make a commitment to talk about your dream no more than one hour a week, and only then to people who can actually help you achieve it. However, you can talk about what you've actually done toward your dream all you want.


BARRIER 3: Psychology of entitlement.
EXAMPLE: You believe, "I deserve it. They owe it to me. I'm entitled to it." Because you feel so entitled, it's likely that you're not putting in the work necessary to achieve whatever it is you want.

SOLUTION: Be aware that your feeling of entitlement will cripple your chances for success. "You have to have internal drive to reach your goal," Gilliam declares. "You can't wait for someone to hand it to you."


BARRIER 4: Afraid to fail.
EXAMPLE: You've hated your management job for years and long to own your own business, but you've never tried because you're afraid you won't be successful.

SOLUTION: First, realize that this is the No. 1 barrier that keeps people stuck inside their comfort zones. But studies of highly successful people show that they actually experience far more failures than those less successful! "The difference is, they refuse to be defeated by setbacks, disappointments or failures. They never stop pursuing their dreams," Gilliam notes. "Unsuccessful people give up early and settle for less."


BARRIER 5: "Can't decide" barrier.
EXAMPLE: You work at a job below your potential because you just can't decide what great career to go after - and you don't want to pick the wrong one and miss a fantastic opportunity.

SOLUTION: Understand that indecision is keeping you from taking action. Missed opportunities only limit you if you dwell upon those in the past instead of looking for the ones ahead. "Opportunities are not being rationed," Gilliam says.


BARRIER 6: Procrastination (a.k.a. Living in Somedayland)
EXAMPLE: You swear you're going to make a major career change someday, but first you've got to get all your credit cards paid off. Or lose 30 pounds. Or get your kids through school. There's always a "but first" or "if" or "Someday, I'll ..." in your statements about your goals.

SOLUTION: Stop putting off your dreams. Focus on what's really important to you -- and make that your first priority. "Don't end up as a person with a 'but first …' complex," Gilliam advises. "Many people live a steady diet of 'if' and 'but's. If 'if' and 'but's were candy and nuts, some people would have Christmas every day!"

My 2 Cents

I believe that perserverence is a great thing to include in your toolbelt of qualities. If you have that quality, use it. If it is an underdeveloped one, build it and bulk it up. I consider many of the successes and joys in my life to be a result of my stretching far from my comfort zone.

Editorial Note at 3:51pm: Being in crisis or trauma sometimes requires the need for a person to be and stay in a comfort zone. As such, "stretching out "of it would not be recommended. Resting and refueling would be the goal. Thanks to Traci and Dreaming Again for highlighting that point to me.

Six Myths About Stress

This post looks at the myths that surround the subject of stress. As is often the case, dispelling myths can lead to greater understanding. Thanks to the American Psychological Association for these.

Myth 1: Stress is the same for everybody.

Completely wrong. Stress is different for each of us. What is stressful for one person may or may not be stressful for another; each of us responds to stress in an entirely different way.

Myth 2: Stress is always bad for you.

According to this view, zero stress makes us happy and healthy. Wrong. Stress is to the human condition what tension is to the violin string: too little and the music is dull and raspy; too much and the music is shrill or the string snaps. Stress can be the kiss of death or the spice of life. The issue, really, is how to manage it. Managed stress makes us productive and happy; mismanaged stress hurts and even kills us.

Myth 3: Stress is everywhere, so you can't do anything about it.

Not so. You can plan your life so that stress does not overwhelm you. Effective planning involves setting priorities and working on simple problems first, solving them, and then going on to more complex difficulties. When stress is mismanaged, it's difficult to prioritize. All your problems seem to be equal and stress seems to be everywhere.

Myth 4: The most popular techniques for reducing stress are the best ones.

Again, not so. No universally effective stress reduction techniques exist. We are all different, our lives are different, our situations are different, and our reactions are different. Only a comprehensive program tailored to the individual works.

Myth 5: No symptoms, no stress.

Absence of symptoms does not mean the absence of stress. In fact, camouflaging symptoms with medication may deprive you of the signals you need for reducing the strain on your physiological and psychological systems.

Myth 6: Only major symptoms of stress require attention.

This myth assumes that the "minor" symptoms, such as headaches or stomach acid, may be safely ignored. Minor symptoms of stress are the early warnings that your life is getting out of hand and that you need to do a better job of managing stress.


Today, I'm feeling good, managing my priorities without feeling overwhelmed. How about you?


References
*Adapted from The Stress Solution by Lyle H. Miller, Ph.D., and Alma Dell Smith, Ph.D.
*Original posting at American Psychological Association

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I am back from my well rested vacation. Ready to go back to work, and back to blogging.

As I began catching up by reading my favorite blogs, I came across this one by Shrinkette. She blogged about how according to The New York Times, the average woman worries about her body every 15 minutes...more frequently than men think about sex. And that 29% of women worry about their size and shape every waking minute."

More and more, I have been seeing in my practice young girls AND young boys concerned about their face, their physical beauty and their body image. This trend has been well documented, and I won't go into it here, but how can we help these young minds from such unattainable perceptions when the culture we live in is selling perfection and beauty.

Digital retouching here and here give the illusion of perfection.

And even with research telling us that genes determine our body shape, many individuals cannot accept certain aspects of their body, or even perceive "flaws" that are not really there. These individuals can also see things so minute, that it compels them to fix it, hide it, or shun themselves from others as a result of it.

This intense set of symptoms is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a SEVERE preoccupation with an imagined physical defect in appearance OR a vastly exaggerated concern about a minimal defect. This preoccupation usually causes impairment in a person's life, interfering with schoolwork, occupation, social life and a sense of well being. Social isolation occurs, and the seeking of plastic surgery or dermotological interventions is frequently pursued.

A person with BDD will think and obsess about the flaw or defect for at least an hour per day. Many report being unable to pull themselves away from the mirror for hours, or have intrusive thoughts about their perceived "ugliness". Those with BDD are often concerned mostly with facial features, but any part of the body perceived as flawed - from hair, skin and nose to actual body parts - can be the focus.

BDD often begins in adolescence, becomes chronic and leads to a great deal of internal suffering in adulthood. A person with BDD will usually consult many dermatologists or plastic surgeons and undergo painful or risky procedures to try to change the perceived defect. The medical procedures rarely produce relief. In fact, they often lead to a worsening of symptoms. Individuals with BDD are never happy with the cosmetic surgery or the dermatological treatments, and continue to look to these interventions over and over again... and their negative body image escalates with each step.

Other behaviors that may be associated with BDD include:

*Frequent glancing in reflective surfaces

*Skin picking

*Avoiding mirrors

*Repeatedly measuring or palpating the flaw.

*Repeated requests for reassurance about the flaw.

*Elaborate grooming rituals.

*Camouflaging appearance.

* Repeated touching of the imagined or minimal flaw

* Avoiding social situations where "the defect" might be seen by others.

* Social anxiety being with others.


Secretive Aspects of Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Many individuals are extremely secretive about their negative body image and it's severe preoccupation and do not reveal the symptoms to others. In fact, many medical and health professionals are not aware that they may be treating a person who has BDD. Body Dysmorphic Disorder has psychological, genetic and psychiatric origins, and can be treated successfully. But individuals with BDD often see a dermatologist, plastic surgeon, or other medical doctor rather than a mental health expert.


Treatment for BDD
Psychotherapy and medication can help reduce the symptoms of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Treatment will focus on learning how to reduce the circular thinking and rituals about body aspects and overall appearance. Learning to embrace and accept one's body will be a focal point.



References
Body Dysmorphic Disorder by Dr. Carol E. Watkins

April 7th: World Health Day

World Health Day, celebrated annually on April 7th, will be devoted to the health workforce crisis.

On this day around the globe, hundreds of organizations will host events to draw attention to the global health workforce crisis and celebrate the dignity and value of working for health. The World Health Organization (WHO) highlights the issue that without caring volunteers and professionals, healthcare cannot reach those in need.

Good healthcare should be accessible to everyone. But with continued cutbacks, good healthcare remains elusive.

Links
World Health Organization: World Health Day 2006

Healing Through Books: Bibliotherapy

Bibliotherapy, also known as Reading Therapy, is the inclusion of books to help individuals move through emotional experiences.

Historically, bibliotherapy dates back to the 1930's when librarians began compiling lists of written material that helped individuals with trauma, thoughts, feelings, or behaviors for therapeutic purposes[1].

I often use bibliotherapy to help people I work with move through difficult events or traumas, like death, divorce, chronic illness, teasing, or hospitalization, just to name a few. Bibliotherapy can be used with children and adults, and can be something that one does on their own as well. And book clubs can be seen as a kind of bibliotherapy too.

Generally speaking, activities in bibliotherapy are designed to do the following [2]:

* provide information

* provide insight

* stimulate discussion about problems

* communicate new values and attitudes

* create awareness that other people have similar problems

* provide realistic solutions to problems


Right now, I'm doing the bibliotherapy thing. I am reading "The Myth of Moral Justice" by Thane Rosenbaum. I'm working through my emotions about injustice in the world.

Bibliotherapy rocks.



Great Bibliotherapy Resources for Children:

"Books to Grow With" By Cheryl Coon

Magination Press


Great Bibliotherapy Resources for Adults:

"Read Two Books And Let's Talk Next Week" By Joshua & DiMenna

"Reading to Heal: How To Use Bibliotherapy to Improve Your Life" By JD Stanley


Footnotes

[1] Pardeck, J.T. (1994). Using literature to help adolescents cope with problems. Adolescence, 29(114), 421-427.

[2] Eric Digest: Bibliotherapy