January is Stalking Awareness Month

January has been designated Stalking Awareness Month in the United States.

Stalking, as defined by Dr. J. R. Meloy, is defined as "the willful, malicious and repeated following and harassing of another person." Stalking can affect anyone no matter gender, race, socio-economic status or geographic location. According to data in the United States, 1 in 12 women and 1 in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime.

Although significant attention has been devoted to adult perpetrators and victims of stalking, there is persuasive evidence that stalking begins at a much younger age. Research suggests that stalking tendencies begin in childhood and have developmental issues related to attachment, identity formation, and emotional states involving jealousy, envy, and anger.

It's important to know that a stalker can be anyone, male or female, a stranger or someone familiar. There appears to be no single characteristic that indicates a person may display stalking behaviors. This is one of the reasons why every stalking case must be handled on an individual basis. Often, a stalker is someone the victim knows, like an ex-spouse, ex-boy/girlfriend, coworker, casual acquaintances, but a stalker can also be a stranger. Stalking can occur in real time, and even in cyberspace. One thing is for sure, being shadowed by an unwanted individual is unnerving to say the least.


Statistics:

• 3.4 million people over the age of 18 are stalked each year in the United States.

• 3 in 4 stalking victims are stalked by someone they know.

• 30% of stalking victims are stalked by a current or former intimate partner.

• 10% of stalking victims are stalked by a stranger.

• Persons aged 18-24 years experience the highest rate of stalking.


Things To Do:

No one ever deserves to be a victim of a stalker. Every situation that involves stalking is different, but here are some recommended guidelines to follow:

• Convey to the stalker that you wish to have no contact with him/her. Leave a paper trail or voice mail trail of this "one and only time" communication.

• Inform friends, family and your employer of the situation.

• Inform your local police department that you are a victim of a stalker. This is necessary safety precaution even if you don't intend to file charges.

• Document the situation in which you have seen or had any type of contact with the stalker. This can be done in a personal diary or journal. Save all letters or emails, phone calls, voice mails, texts, etc.

• Change your phone numbers, email address, website or blog, if necessary.

• Also document any other pertinent information such as a license plate number if the stalker is unknown to you, or personal appearances where you have witnessed this person. These steps can help you if the situation escalates into something more dangerous.

• File for a restraining or protective order. Information on filing can be obtained from your local court.

• Create a contingency plan for an emergency. Have a list of critical telephone numbers; e.g. local police, friends, domestic violence centers, an attorney.

• Have a necessities bag clothes, cash, etc. just in case you can’t go home.

• Always make sure you are never low on gas in your car.

• Take preventative measures to protect yourself from the stalker. Vary your routine. Don't do the same activities at the same time every day. For example go to work a little earlier than usual and use a different route.

• Have co-workers, roommates or family members screen phone calls and visitors.

• Do not travel alone if at all possible. There is safety in numbers.

References

McCann, J.T. (2000). Stalking in children and adolescents: The primitive bond. Washington: APA Books.

Meloy, J. R. (1998). The psychology of stalking: Clinical and forensic perspectives. New York: Academic Press.

Pathe, M. (2002). Surviving stalking. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

January is National Mentoring Month

There are few relationships in life that are more influential than those between a mentor and a young person.

I know this from both sides of the coin.

You see, I have had many a mentor in my life growing up. A person who took a unique interest in me, fostered my growth and guided me onward. And I've also been a mentor to many as well., paying the experience forward.

Being involved in mentoring has been so rewarding and meaningful to me. In fact, research shows that mentoring is an extraordinary experience for all involved.

January is National Mentoring Month.

Be mentor.

Change a life.

And transform your own.

Link here for more information.

5 Tips for Kicking Post-Holiday Blues

As the holiday season comes to an end, so, too, does the high octane way you've planned, shopped, traveled, and socialized. The holiday momentum of go, go, go, going screeches to a grinding halt.

Problem is, all the neurochemistry you needed to help you get through the holidays - stress hormones called cortisol and adrenaline – are leaving you feeling burned out, irritable, and just plain cranky.

Maybe your hopes for holidays with family and friends were unmet, and you now have to deal with emotional let-down. Then there's the march of the holiday bills -and thinking about paying the piper is not only depleting your bank account but your emotional well-being. All of these experiences are symptoms of Post Holiday Blues.

5 Tips to Kick the Blues

1. Sleep. After prolonged periods of stress, the body needs more sleep to slow the production of cortisol and adrenaline. Schedule a pajama day to just do nothing and rest. Consider unplugging from technology to give yourself some time to refuel.

2. Exercise. Moving your body at least 30 minutes a day will help rid excess adrenaline and cortisol that keep you from relaxing and/or sleeping soundly. Walk, run, and play with the dog. Have a catch with the kids. Just move your body.

3. Look forward. Keep your eyes on the next prize. The next birthday, an upcoming concert, a sporting event, etc. This keeps you forward-looking into the year rather than concentrating on the past holidays.

4. Relive the Memories. Objects and experiences help us embrace memories. Make sure you wear that new shirt or have the holiday photos somewhere in view. Taking time to appreciate the best-loved holiday moments will offset sadness.

5. Talk about it. Sharing your emotional experiences with another can help you problem solve and feel connected, reducing the likelihood of depression taking hold. Talking is also a great way of revisiting happy moments, making sense of sad experiences and solidifying self-decision making.

Tips for Keeping the "You" in Yuletide

The holiday season is not just a time for traditional festivities, merry making, good will and celebrating with loved ones. For some, it's the loneliest time of the year. For others, sadness of missing a loved one or recovering from a life-changing trauma tinges the season. Many fall into despair as self-reflection takes hold, measuring past accomplishment and failures. And then there are those who begin a downward spiral into the depths of depression.

Worries about job security, foreclosures, the ailing economy, and everyday living can make us all vulnerable during the holiday crush. Here are some tips to help you move through the holiday season as stress free as possible.

"You" Alone

• Combat loneliness. To offset social isolation, take advantage of free holiday activities. Participate in community events like tree or menorah lightings, free concerts, food or clothing drives, holiday banquets or community brunches.

• Be proactive. Don't wait to be invited somewhere. Invite someone over.

• Create new rituals. If old holiday traditions are no longer possible to do, find new ways to celebrate the season. Invent new rituals, traditions or remembrances.

• Take Care. Taking care of "you" during the holiday season helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with sadness and stress. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Eat well and make sure you get enough healthy sleep.

• Don't be shy to ask for support. Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens your resilience and ability to manage the holiday season.

• Solidify bonds. Use the holidays as a time to reconnect with friends and family and strengthen your support network.

"You" with Others

• Be realistic. Unrealistic expectations are the single biggest cause of holiday depression. Unrealistic hopes that everything will be perfect, and everyone will be happy leads to disappointment, frustration and can trigger a depressive relapse.

• Be aware. Family conflicts can resurface during the holiday season. Try to avoid falling into old behavioral patterns with others. Be creative with seating or invite people to different occasions at different times. If necessary, avoid friction altogether by taking yourself out of the social equation with your own holiday celebration.

• Don't overschedule yourself. Most of our lives are already overscheduled, even before adding in holiday visits, religious events, and travel. Make plans carefully in advance and don't be afraid to say "no" if you feel burdened.

• Don't confuse "stuff" with "love". Make a budget and stick to it. Most of all, remember to give the gift of time to others. Long after the $100 video games are forgotten, kids will remember sledding down hills with you.

• Plan your time well. Don't put off shopping for food and presents. Feelings of helpless, guilt and hopelessness can give way when things are left to the last minute.

• Stay focused. Remember to focus on what you can control, not what's beyond your control. And don't be afraid to delegate what you might need help with.

Sexual Abuse in Sports

Research shows that sexual abuse happens in all sports and at all levels, with a greater prevalence occurring within the arena of high performance and elite sports. The sporting culture, with its larger-than-life coaches, fierce competition, the need for recognition and funding, and a "win at all costs" philosophy, creates an environment that contributes to the sexual exploitation of athletes.

Sexual abuse is both a physical act and a psychological experience. As a physical act, sexual abuse involves touching and non-touching behaviors. This can be done in coercive or seductive ways. As a psychological experience, the abuse of power and authority by the predator renders the athlete powerless. First a cycle of dependency is created between the predator and the athlete, involving special attention and friendship. Predators look to build a bond of loyalty, and then move to isolate and control the athlete. This specialness descends into sexual attention, where intimidation, guilt, secrecy and further dependency are manipulated. Sometimes the abuse occurs with threats and violence. Sometimes with deception or even with misdirected love. By the time the athlete wants to - or wishes - to disclose the nature of the sexual trauma, a sense of helplessness and hopelessness secures their silence.

Statistics

• Members of the athlete's entourage who are in positions of power and authority appear to be the primary perpetrators for sexual abuse. This includes coaches, trainers, athletic directors, physical therapists, etc.

• The risk of sexual abuse is greater when there are loose guidelines, unstructured and unsupervised practice times and high athlete vulnerability, especially in relation to age and maturation.

• Research identifies risk situations as the locker-room, the playing field, trips away, the coach's home or car, and social events, especially where alcohol is involved. Team initiations or end-of-season celebrations are also risk factors.

• Passive attitudes, non-intervention, denial, and/or silence by people in positions of power in sports culture increases the psychological harm of sexual abuse for the athlete.

• Lack of bystander action also creates the impression for victims that sexual abuse is legal and socially acceptable - and that those involved in the sporting world will be powerless to speak out against it.

The Depressive Fallout of Sexual Abuse

• Research demonstrates that sexual abuse in sport results in psychosomatic illnesses, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, self harm, and suicide.

• When it is impossible for a young athlete to avoid the reality of betrayal by someone who should be trusted, the child will blame himself. This blaming of the self significantly crushes well-being and any hope for healing from sexual assault.

• Abused or exploited athletes are re-victimized if they are rejected by their sports organization, community and society.

• The depression, isolation and self-destructiveness an athlete experiences will also have an adverse effect on his or her family.

• Athletes who make direct statements, indirect statements or display highly sexualized behavior are signaling their trauma. However, there are many who cannot, and descend into the depths of despair.

• If the process of healing does not take place, sexual trauma will last a lifetime.

Tips for Parents

• Communicate honestly and openly with your child. Encourage your child to keep no secrets from you.

• Reinforce safe boundaries for your child's physical, sexual and emotional life.

• Discuss trustworthy versus untrustworthy behavior in every day conversation.

• Keep an open dialogue going when your child is spending time with adults outside of your reach.

• When involving your child in sports, ensure the organization and coaches have gone through criminal checks, child abuse registry etc.

• Be present at the training area so you can observe the interaction between your child and his or her coach.

• Be wary of coaches who tell you things about your child that in your heart you know are not true.

• If your child discloses that something inappropriate has occurred, reassure and support them.

• Tell your child you believe them - and don't blame them.

• Tell your child you will keep them safe.

• Let them know you are glad they told you.

• Try not to appear shocked, disgusted by your child's disclosure.

• Resist the urge to interview your child to gain more information.

• Don't tell your child that you blame yourself for not knowing this was going on.

• Don't confront the predator or take matters into your own hands. Call the authorities and seek professional help immediately.

The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude is the “forgotten factor” in happiness research.

Scientists are latecomers to the concept of gratitude. Religions and philosophies have long embraced gratitude as an indispensable manifestation of virtue, and an integral component of health, wholeness, and well-being.

Through conducting highly focused, cutting-edge studies on the nature of gratitude, its causes, and its consequences, we hope to shed important scientific light on this important concept.

University of Miami psychology professor Michael McCullough, who has studied people who are asked to be regularly thankful, said: "When you are stopping and counting your blessings, you are sort of hijacking your emotional system." What McCullough means is that by taking inventory of what you are thankful about directs you attention to good things.

An "Attitude of Gratitude" can soften a bad mood, a tough day or a broken heart. It also stretches the margins of your well-being.