Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty Nest Syndrome is a phrase used to explain the psychological experience of loss when a child leaves home. Often shortened to Empty Nest, parents move through feelings of sadness, loss and worries regarding their own identity since their day-to-day responsibilities have changed.

Empty Nest is most often seen in the Fall when teenagers leave for college, in Summer when kids leave for camp - but can occur anytime a child leaves home (getting married, new job, etc.)

Some parents move through the transition of children leaving home without much difficulty. Others experience bouts of weepiness, loneliness or irritability. These are very normal and natural.

If you find that time has not helped you adjust to your new life, and symptoms are worsening, it might help to seek a support group like Daily Strength Empty-Nest Support Group or consider professional help. Attachment and loss can be an overwhelming experience for some parents. Don't let the excitement of your child's new life make you feel as if you have to hide your heartache.

10 Tips for Ethical Parenting

In the forthcoming book Good Kids, Tough Choices, Dr. Rushworth M. Kidder reports that lying, cheating, insensitivity and lack of empathy are on the rise in children. According to research, less and less children know what it means to do the right thing.

If you're a parent looking for tips on how to raise a compassionate and ethically minded child, this book is a great, practical read. Using ethical parenting early in a child's life helps them to be fair, mindful, connected and compassionate.

Here are Kidder's 10 Tips for Ethical Parenting:

1. Children learn self-steerage from watching us. Modeling how you think and process helps your children to learn how to do the right thing.

2. The language of ethics helps shape thinking and behavior. Use phrases like "be nice" "be fair" and "consider others" to helps shape compassionate behavior.

3. When you think out loud, your children learn your ethics. Let children hear your internal monologue as you move through decisions, thoughts and feelings.

4. Your ethical reasoning elevates their critical thinking skills. Make it clear that your decisions are based on sound ethical reasoning. Show the step by step process of how you reason for your children.

5. When you stretch to do the right things, your children grow more ethically fit. Showing both sides of an argument enables both sides to be experienced. This helps a child learn fairness and compassion.

6. When you admit to your own imperfections, you take the pressure off your children. Showing your children that you can make a mistake, own it and learn from it will help them understand their own humanity.

7. If you keep your ethical aspirations high, children are likely to do the same. Be consistent, conscientious and fair with ethics - and your children will follow suit.

8. You're their number one role model. Children are always watching how you act and behave. You are the mirror to the world for them. Remember that they look up to you as not only a parent but as a teacher.

9. You promote moral courage by modeling it. Let your children see how you move through difficult issues. Talk about the challenges you face, the feelings it provokes and the conflicts that arise.

10. You make them believe in the future. Be enthusiastic and upbeat about the importance of ethics in daily life. In doing so, fairness, sensitivity and mindfulness become more of a reflex than a learned skill.

Stalking Safety Tips

Stalking, the willful, malicious and repeated following and harassing of another person, can happen to any of us - no matter age, gender, race, socio-economic status or geographic location. According to data in the United States, 1 in 12 women and 1 in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime.

Although significant attention has been devoted to adult perpetrators and victims of stalking, there is persuasive evidence that stalking begins at a much younger age. Research suggests that stalking traits begin in childhood and have developmental issues related to attachment, identity formation, and emotional states involving jealousy, envy, and anger. It is important to note that a person who stalks can be someone you know or can be a total stranger.

Things To Do : No one ever deserves to be a victim of a stalker. Every situation that involves stalking is different, but there are a few guidelines to follow if you feel you are a victim of a stalker.

* Convey to the stalker that you wish to have no contact with him/her. It is important not to continue communicating this more than one time. If you do, you are reinforcing the unhealthy attachment.

* Inform friends, family and your employer or school of the situation.

* Inform your local police department that you are a victim of a stalker. This is important to do even if you don't intend to file charges. A record will be created which will serve as a paper trail should you need one.

* Document the situation in which you have seen or had any type of contact with the stalker. This can be done in a personal diary or journal. Save all letters, emails, voice mails or text messages for record keeping.

* Change your phone number, cell phone number, email address, website or blog, if necessary. Consider taking a self-defense class that can help you feel strong and become vigilant to your surroundings.

* Also document any other pertinent information such as car type, license plate number, physical description, etc. These steps can help you if the situation escalates into something more dangerous.


Additional Steps:

* File for a restraining or protective order. Information on filing can be obtained from your local police department.

* Create a contingency plan. You may not think that you are in imminent danger, but the possibility still exists. Your local police or domestic violence center may be able to assist you with a more specific plan.

* Have a list of critical telephone numbers on hand like the local police, friends, family domestic violence centers, campus security, attorney, shelters etc.

* Have a necessities bag. A small suitcase you can keep at work, school, your car, or at a friend's house just in case you choose not to go home.

* Always make sure you're never low on gas in your car.

* Take preventative measures to protect yourself from the stalker. Vary your routine. Don't do the same activities at the same time every day. For example, go to work a little earlier than usual or take different route home.

* Have co-workers, roommates and family members screen phone calls and visitors.

* If possible, do not travel alone.

* Have an alarm system installed in your car and your home. Also consider setting up video surveillance system at home. Many alarm companies offer this and can make the installation affordable.

For more links go to Stalking Resources and the Stalking Resource Center

References

McCann, J.T. (2000). Stalking in children and adolescents: The primitive bond. Washington: APA Books.

Meloy, J. R. (1998). The psychology of stalking: Clinical and forensic perspectives. New York: Academic Press.

Pathe, M. (2002). Surviving stalking. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Now *THIS* is How To Start Your Day

I wonder if this little girl is available for Life Coaching?

Enjoy.

The Ugliness of Self-Righteousness

Self-righteousness is an ugly beast. I don't run into the petty monster too often, but when I do, I always marvel at it. But as soon I see the envy, frustration and inflated sense of self in the self-righteous person - and experience the insult of their reactive behavior - I run for the hills. And so should you. You see, they're toxic.

My last post on the early sexualization of girls featured a video, research and my own thoughts on the subject matter. I received the following email from a research blogging site that uses my blog feeds:

"Clearly your blog has a large audience, but I'm not sure its audience intersects significantly with ours, so perhaps it's not beneficial for either of us to maintain an association."

I was initially taken aback by this email as I've been a contributor for many months, even receiving Editorial nods for my posts. Instead of inquiring about my writing, there was just a decision to reject it all together. Strange, how little flexibility the self-righteous have.

I wondered why this reaction happened. Was it the content of that post? The overwhelmingly high number of visits I garnered? Clearly, I was being flagged by someone who needed me out of the way. But why? The mutual goal of our association was to bring research to the masses. Isn't that the greater good here?

Well, it didn't take long for me to decide that, indeed, it was beneficial to not be associated... especially when my contributions were so callously brushed aside. Dust-ups like these are teachable moments. I use this example to show how important it is to look for the underlying reasons behind the hurtful behaviors of others. Often, you'll find they stem from envy and reactive narcissism.

From hereon in, I'm with Groucho.

Early Sexualization. Cute or Concerning?

These eight year old girls are great dancers. But the question is....does dressing and dancing like this make their performance cute or concerning?

According to study by the American Psychological Association, early sexualization of girls can lead to the following:

"Cognitive and Emotional Consequences: Sexualization and objectification undermine a person’s confidence in and comfort with her own body, leading to emotional and self-image problems, such as shame and anxiety.

Mental and Physical Health: Research links sexualization with three of the most common mental health problems diagnosed in girls and women—eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression or depressed mood.

Sexual Development: Research suggests that the sexualization of girls has negative consequences on girls’ ability to develop a healthy sexual self-image."

It is clear that these young girls are talented and confident, but this kind of dancing and exposure is likely to lead to more serious concerns.

DeAngelis, T. (2007). APA task force report decries culture's sexualization of girls. Monitor on Psychology,38(4), 51-52.