Friday, June 04, 2010

The Ugliness of Self-Righteousness

Self-righteousness is an ugly beast. I don't run into the petty monster too often, but when I do, I always marvel at it. But as soon I see the envy, frustration and inflated sense of self in the self-righteous person - and experience the insult of their reactive behavior - I run for the hills. And so should you. You see, they're toxic.

My last post on the early sexualization of girls featured a video, research and my own thoughts on the subject matter. I received the following email from a research blogging site that uses my blog feeds:

"Clearly your blog has a large audience, but I'm not sure its audience intersects significantly with ours, so perhaps it's not beneficial for either of us to maintain an association."

I was initially taken aback by this email as I've been a contributor for many months, even receiving Editorial nods for my posts. Instead of inquiring about my writing, there was just a decision to reject it all together. Strange, how little flexibility the self-righteous have.

I wondered why this reaction happened. Was it the content of that post? The overwhelmingly high number of visits I garnered? Clearly, I was being flagged by someone who needed me out of the way. But why? The mutual goal of our association was to bring research to the masses. Isn't that the greater good here?

Well, it didn't take long for me to decide that, indeed, it was beneficial to not be associated... especially when my contributions were so callously brushed aside. Dust-ups like these are teachable moments. I use this example to show how important it is to look for the underlying reasons behind the hurtful behaviors of others. Often, you'll find they stem from envy and reactive narcissism.

From hereon in, I'm with Groucho.


Xmichra said...

Honestly, it's a good thing. I mean really, would you want a push-it-down-your-throat attitude coming onto your blog and insisting your readers are less than brilliant or deserving of a comment???

I didn't think so ;)

Dr.Deb, you may not be kosher in that circle for being professional and opinionated. But you can have tea at my place any day you'd like.


Lynn said...

I have no idea what anyone would find wrong with your post. It is a very valid issue to blog about. This sounds like the material involved may have jarred someone's baggage and that is why they behaved that way.

(And to answer your question on that post -- it is much more concerning than it is cute, imo.)

Lynn said...

You know what else, Deb? You are doing an important service to children by raising this issue. If some other person wants to get all flaked out with you for doing an important human service and advocating for the protection of children, then to hell with them. They have no clue (and apparently don't want one). You did the right thing.

jumpinginpuddles said...

is left a little lost

Belizegial said...

It takes all types to make up the crayon box, eh? I believe you did right in bringing up this issue.

Barbara said...

Pardon my language but WTF? I can't believe that site sent you that email! LOL their loss. I did a similar post on Child Beauty Pageants once linking to a female police author who wrote an article about how she viewed child beauty pageants as "pedophile porn". Slightly different angle but similar topic.

(you asked about my son...he is doing a little better! thank your for asking)

tracy said...

Oh, dear, now i am worried (about another thing...).
How do i know if i'm self-righteous? How to change if i am...'cause i would definately want to...change.

Dr. Deb said...

The whole experience struck me as odd.

Apparently, the post was not research based enough, which is code for "we don't want your writing associated with ours any longer". Good think I know holier-than-thou code!


Love the crayon box metaphor.

So glad he is doing better. Slow, but better is good.

Dr. Deb said...

Merely asking if you are too self-righteous makes you NOT self-righteous.


tracy said...

Thank you Dr. Deb...i just don't know...i think sometimes i must be so judgemental...i'm not sure...i truly appreciate your words of assurance.

Rose said...

People always try to find something to complain about! Simply Put!

blogbehave said...

"I'm not sure its audience intersects significantly with ours, so perhaps it's not beneficial for either of us to maintain an association."

I find this bizarre and confusing. Or is that confusing and bizarre? I'm not sure whether they don't like your posts, your take on, or your way of condensing their findings? Or they don't like your audience? Selective about who reads the results of their studies? WTF?

Janette said...

What is it called when someone posts comments aimed to incite hostility towards another by portraying one's self as the bewildered victim of another's actions. Just asking.